Pupper Argo
by 9r7g5h
Summary: Random headcanons for Argo as a dog in a modern au.
1. Chapter 1

**AN** : Styxkid287 sent me this: "Modern X&G Headcanon: For some reason I can't help but picture Argo as a gigantic dog that Xena dotes on and talks to like a human being. She looks like she's part bull mastiff, part great dane, and part semi truck fully grown, but she started out as a runt that fit in Xena's hand. She's fully aware of her size and used to pounce on Gabrielle when she and Xena first started dating. She stopped eventually when they got to know each other better but it took a while." And I ran.

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Xena.

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Add in a small sliver of golden retriever for coloring, and you've broken down the perfect mix of dog for Argo.

Ok, but imagine Xena just stopping by the pound to play with dogs occasionally, because her little apartment has a size limit and she's a big dog person, so she just can't have one. But a friend (Marcus. Marcus is my fav of Xena's exs, and he works at a no-kill pound) Marcus always sneaks her in after hours so she can play with all the puppers she wants, and on a daily basis Xena's just bowled over by dogs wanting cuddles.

But then this box of like, week old puppies is left on the step of the pound one morning, and the staff start freaking out because week old puppies?! These should be with their mother, but they're not so we have to bottle feed them, and it becomes a 24 hour thing with everyone taking extra shifts to take care of the babies. And Xena shows up and helps out with feeding them (I imagine Xena a bouncer/bartender in like, a biker bar or something like that, where she gets into a good number of fights breaking up other people's fights and wear ridiculous amounts of leather), and it's a common thing to see her that at six in the morning asleep half covered in puppies, having come over right after shutting the bar down.

And she loves all of them, but there's this tiny little thing, the smollest of them all, and she's just like ? You're so tiny and lil and adorable. You're mine now. And she basically signs all the paperwork right then and there, though the pound won't let her take the puppy home until after she's a bit older, since Xena isn't a train puppy handler. But, Argo often rides around in Xena's jacket pocket, her head just sticking out while she naps as Xena helps out around the pound.

And because they're such a wide mix of breeds, no one has any idea of what's in the mix, especially since there's such a wide range of sizes (Argo's like, 4 pounds soaking wet, while her older sister's almost 15), so Xena's totally about to convince her landlord that lil baby Argo will totes be in the weight limit, and when she's still only 10 pounds at the time she's old enough for Xena to take home, Xena's just like welp, looks like I'm a small dog person now.

Except sike, jokes on all of them, because Argo goes through a growth spurt and ends up like, 250 pounds of pure muscle and almost tall enough to just rest her chin on Xena's shoulder while keeping all four legs on the floor, and the landlord's POed but what can he do? He agreed to let her stay and signed all the paperwork, so Argo's easily the largest animal around. But Xena takes her to work with her each day so she doesn't push the landlord's buttons too much, and Argo just becomes a staple of the bar.

Like, she legit becomes the mascot. Argo learns early how to open beer bottles with her teeth, and she just wanders around the bar opening people's beers in exchange for dollars (that she takes Xena) and treats (that she happily eats herself). And she's a great deterrent to fights, because who wants to go against this monster of a dog with teeth as long as their finger? No one, that's who, and while Xena misses the tumbles on occasion, the bar owner is just glad that properly damage expenses go way down and profits go way up.

And Xena and Argo love everything, and on days off Xena takes Argo on runs through the park. And that's actually how Xena and Gabrielle meet! Gabrielle has like, something small and fluffy and probably yappy, and Argo and Gabrielle's puppy start playing, so Xena and Gabrielle just stand there and talk and watch their babies. Talking turns to flirting, flirting after seeing each other in the park a couple more times turns into dating, and the moment they exchange numbers is the first time Gabrielle lands on her ass in a mud puddle, because Argo's possessive af.

Like, she comes to love Gabrielle, don't get me wrong, but that only happens after almost a year of them dating, once it became clear that Xena wasn't getting rid of Gabrielle anytime soon. But before then? Before then, Gabrielle made it a point to never get ready for a date at her own place unless Xena was coming to pick her up, because if she went over to Xena's, any work she'd done would end up ruined because of Argo. She'd just come over in old clothing, take the smooshing from Argo, and then kick Xena out of her bedroom so she could get ready. It was annoying, but Gabrielle took it with good grace.

Of course, she only stopped getting muddy paw prints all over because Xena sat Argo down and had a real talk with her, about how much she liked Gabrielle and how much she really wanted it to work out. Argo listened and adjusted accordingly. She still mushed, but only with clean paws.

But by the time Xena and Gabrielle move in together, Argo loves Gabrielle almost as much as she loves Xena. And they're quite a happy little family, Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, and Gabrielle's "yappy little poof ball," as Xena likes to call him.

(And surprise, grandkids through Argo and Poof's puppies, because Xena and Gabrielle are semi-irresponsible pet owners and didn't think about what would happen if you put unneutered male and female dogs together in one room. Though, how that happened with the extreme size difference, they aren't sure, but the proof's in the six squirmly little beans that won't shut the fuck up and just go to sleep, much to everyone's chagrin).


	2. Chapter 2

**AN** : Styxkid287 continued our convo with: "More to the Dog!Argo Headcanon: Argo cannot stand Ares. She was 1000x meaner to him than she was to Gabrielle when he and Xena dated. She chewed up so much of his stuff that her breath smelled like leather. They see him at the park sometimes with his Rottweiler, Killer. One day they try to intrude on X&G's flirting and Poof just goes berserk. Killer is extremely confused and takes a couple steps back from the pissed off Pomchi (Pomeranian+Chihuahua) out of fear that he might explode."

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Xena.

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So Ares probably would have been the boyfriend who came showed up after Xena broke up with Borias but before she got together with Marcus (side note, Xena's exes, in order, are still 1) Random Guy She Almost Married at 18 whose name I can't remember 2) M'lila 3) Borias Part 1 4) Lao Ma 5) Borias Part 2 6) Ares 7) Marcus 8) Gabrielle). He's this biker who took a shine to Xena one night while she was working, and he showed up every night for a month until she agreed to give him her number.

They last for six weeks, and they only last that long because the sex is amazing. But otherwise Ares' a giant douchebag, and while he falls heads over heels in love with Xena, Xena's like "Cool, I'm over Borias now and ready to move on with my life. Thanks for the great sex, but i'm gone. Bye Felicia." She never had any intention on him being a forever thing.

So he just keeps coming to the bar, and while it annoys Xena, she can't just turn him away. He's a paying customer who gives great tips (he alone financed her new couch), but she doesn't have to be happy about it. And Argo knows. While it was just sex, since Xena was happy and Ares wasn't too big of a dick during those weeks, Argo was pretty chill with him. Xena was happy, and what made Xena happy made Argo happy. And he never came over to their place, so Argo didn't care (though she hated Xena smelling like him).

So, when he arrives, Argo just stands there with her lip ever so slightly raised to show her giant teeth, and when he holds out his beer to her to get it opened, Argo always growls ever so slightly, just so he can hear, before popping the top off and walking away with his money. She makes it very clear that she would take him down if he got too close to Xena after Xena tossed him aside, and Ares gets that.

He's terrified of Argo, almost as much as he is Xena, and so even though he still goes to the bar, he accepts that.

Now, while Xena was dating Marcus, Ares wasn't around much. He saw Xena dating someone similar to him, another bad boy, and he could respect her having a type. So he wouldn't interfere, not while she was happy. But then they break up (it's a friendly break up, the two of them agreeing that it's just not what they want. Marcus wants to save up enough to travel the world, and while Xena's nowhere near settling down, she wants something a little more quiet. She traveled a ton with Borias, saw lots of shit, left a kid with a this cute little family up down south somewhere, and she's tired. She just wants to relax, drink beer, and wrestle with her dog. So it's a friendly break up), and Ares is all over everything.

He calls her, tried to talk to her while at work, pretty much becomes a creep trying to get her back. And Xena's not standing for it, he almost gets stabbed quite a few times, and does end up with a beer bottle broken over his head. Now, while Xena can handle it, Argo does decide to leave a message of her own. She steps forward one day when he holds his beer out for her to open, and instead of her teeth closing over the bottle top, they close over his wrist.

And she pulls her lips back in what might be considered a smile, showing him all of the large, sharp teeth now enclosed over his hand, and the message is clear. Xena isn't standing in this alone. And then Argo pops open the bottle, takes the shaky 20 Ares holds out, and trots off to get some pats from her girl.

He was already backing off (that bottle to the head finally knocked some sense into him), but that def makes him scarce around the bar. And while Xena misses the large supplement to her income, going to work is a little bit nicer each day.

Now, like you said, he does still show up at the dog park on occasion, first with Killer and then later with Horas. And Argo has no problem with Killer. He's a fun dog, and probably the only one who can actually keep up with her in the dog park, so she's happy to play with him. But only after giving Ares a death glare to make sure he stays on the other side of the park, far away from Xena.

And when Xena and Gabrielle start dating, it becomes eve stronger, with Argo physically manipulating Killer to stay in the area right between Xena/Gabrielle and Ares, so she can intervein if Ares tries to go over.

Except she doesn't have to. Because one day Ares slips by her, and while he's being polite and just striking up a casual conversation, tiny little Poof's (who always stays with Gabrielle while Argo runs around. He's a tiny, nervous little thing, and the big dogs [except Argo, who he's totally in love with] scare him. So he just enjoys the sun with Gabrielle) having none of that.

He growls, he snarls, he yaps and barks and howls the moment Ares gets within five feet of them, and when he finally wiggles free of Gabrielle's arms, the first thing he does is bite at Ares' ankles. Killer, of course, runs over snarling as well, but Poof is an unrestrained tiny little ball of rage and fur who refuses to be stopped, and within a minute Killer's running off with his tail between his legs, whimpering. And Poof just keeps going after Ares, forcing him to back up a step, then two, until finally Ares is about five yards or so away from the girls. Only then does Poof finally calm down, giving one last growl before returning to Xena and Gabrielle and whining to be picked up.

Ares tries to take a step forward (he had dropped his wallet in the attack), but Poof gives one last deep snarl (who knew such a small doggo could make such a deep noise) and Ares just asks Xena to throw it to him.

Which she does, laughing, because Ares, who had stood up to her, who had stood up to Argo, was just driven away from tiny little 10 pound Poof.

Ares still tried, every now and then. Even though he knows Xena and Gabrielle are living together, are engaged, are grandmothers to six cute little loud puppies, he still tries. So long as Poof isn't there. If he sees "that little demon rat," he turns around and walks the other way.


End file.
